Are They Lifting You Up or Bringing You Down? How to Identify Healthy vs. Toxic Relationships

The people in your life have incredible power. They can either fuel your dreams or dim your light. They can celebrate your victories or make you question your worth. As women navigating careers, relationships, family, and personal growth, understanding the difference between healthy relationships and toxic ones isn’t just helpful—it’s essential for your well-being and success.

Every interaction you have shapes who you become. The friend who cheers you on during tough times helps you build resilience. The partner who supports your ambitions gives you courage to chase bigger dreams. But the person who constantly criticizes, manipulates, or drains your energy? They can hold you back from becoming the woman you’re meant to be.

Recognizing these patterns isn’t always easy. We often make excuses for toxic behavior, especially when it comes from people we care about. We tell ourselves they’re “just having a bad day” or “they mean well.” But your emotional well-being deserves better than constant justification and damage control.

This journey of identifying healthy vs. toxic relationships is about more than just improving your social circle—it’s about reclaiming your power, protecting your peace, and creating space for the kind of positive relationships that help you thrive.

The Beautiful Signs Someone is Lifting You Up

They Celebrate Your Wins Without Making It About Them

Healthy relationships are built on genuine support and celebration. When you share good news with someone who truly lifts you up, their excitement matches yours. They don’t immediately shift the conversation to their own experiences or downplay your achievement. Instead, they ask questions, want details, and genuinely celebrate your success.

This person remembers important things happening in your life and follows up. They text you before your big presentation to wish you luck. They call after your job interview to hear how it went. Their support feels consistent and authentic.

They Encourage Your Growth and Independence

People who lift you up want to see you flourish as an individual. They encourage you to pursue your interests, even if those interests don’t directly involve them. They support your career goals, your fitness journey, your creative pursuits, and your personal development.

These relationships create space for you to grow. If you want to take a cooking class, travel solo, or start a side business, they cheer you on rather than finding reasons why you shouldn’t or can’t.

They Practice Healthy Communication

In positive relationships, disagreements happen, but they’re handled with respect and maturity. These people:

• Listen to understand, not just to respond
• Express their feelings without attacking your character
• Take accountability when they make mistakes
• Give you space to share your perspective without interrupting
• Work toward solutions rather than dwelling on problems

They Respect Your Boundaries

Someone who lifts you up understands that “no” is a complete sentence. They don’t guilt-trip you when you can’t hang out, pressure you to share more than you’re comfortable with, or push you to do things that don’t align with your values.

They also have healthy boundaries themselves, which creates a balanced dynamic where both people feel respected and valued.

They Show Up Consistently

Reliability is a hallmark of healthy relationships. These people follow through on their commitments. If they say they’ll be there, they show up. If they promise to call, they do. This consistency creates a foundation of trust that allows the relationship to deepen over time.

The Warning Signs Someone is Bringing You Down

They Minimize Your Feelings and Experiences

Toxic people have a way of making you feel like your emotions aren’t valid. They respond to your concerns with phrases like “you’re being too sensitive,” “it’s not that big of a deal,” or “you’re overreacting.” This pattern of minimization chips away at your confidence in your own perceptions.

Over time, you might find yourself second-guessing your gut instincts or apologizing for having feelings. This is one of the most damaging signs of a toxic relationship because it disconnects you from your own inner wisdom.

They Use Guilt and Manipulation to Get Their Way

Manipulation in relationships often looks like:

• Making you feel guilty for having other friendships or interests
• Using silent treatment as punishment when you don’t comply with their wishes
• Bringing up past mistakes to win current arguments
• Playing victim when confronted about their behavior
• Making threats (emotional, financial, or otherwise) to control your decisions

These tactics are designed to wear down your resistance and make you easier to control.

They Drain Your Energy Consistently

After spending time with toxic people, you feel exhausted rather than energized. These interactions often involve:

• Constant drama and crisis that requires your emotional labor
• Conversations that revolve entirely around their problems
• Negative thinking patterns that bring down your mood
• Criticism disguised as “honesty” or “helping”

You might notice that you need to mentally prepare yourself before seeing them or that you feel relief when plans get cancelled.

They Show Signs of Jealousy About Your Success

Instead of celebrating your achievements, toxic people might:

• Point out potential downsides to your good news
• Compare your success unfavorably to others
• Make backhanded compliments that sting more than they praise
• Seem uncomfortable or distant when you’re doing well
• Try to compete with you rather than support you

This jealousy often stems from their own insecurities, but the impact on you is real regardless of the cause.

They Violate Your Boundaries Repeatedly

Toxic people often test boundaries to see what they can get away with. They might:

• Continue behaviors you’ve asked them to stop
• Show up uninvited or contact you excessively
• Share your private information with others
• Pressure you to do things that make you uncomfortable
• Use emotional manipulation when you try to enforce limits

The Deep Impact on Women’s Self-Esteem and Growth

How Toxic Relationships Affect Women’s Confidence

Toxic relationships can be particularly damaging to women because they often exploit societal conditioning that teaches us to prioritize others’ needs above our own. When someone constantly criticizes, manipulates, or dismisses us, we might internalize these messages and begin to believe them.

Women in toxic relationships often experience:

• Decreased confidence in decision-making
• Increased self-doubt and second-guessing
• Difficulty trusting their own perceptions
• Lowered sense of self-worth
• Increased anxiety and stress-related health issues

The impact extends beyond the relationship itself, affecting performance at work, other friendships, and overall life satisfaction.

The Empowering Effect of Healthy Relationships

Conversely, healthy relationships have a profound positive impact on women’s lives. They provide:

Enhanced Self-Awareness: Supportive people help you see your strengths and potential more clearly. They offer honest feedback that helps you grow without tearing you down.

Increased Confidence: When people believe in you consistently, you start believing in yourself more deeply. This confidence carries over into all areas of life.

Better Decision-Making: Healthy relationships provide a safe space to discuss important decisions. Having trusted advisors helps you make choices aligned with your values and goals.

Emotional Resilience: Support systems help you bounce back from setbacks more quickly and handle stress more effectively.

Expanded Opportunities: Positive relationships often lead to new opportunities through networking, referrals, and collaborative efforts.

Practical Steps to Choose Supportive People

Audit Your Current Relationships

Take an honest look at the relationships in your life. For each important person, ask yourself:

• How do I feel before, during, and after spending time with them?
• Do they support my goals and dreams?
• Can I be authentic around them without judgment?
• Do they respect my boundaries and decisions?
• Is there balance in our give-and-take?

Write down your observations. Sometimes seeing patterns on paper makes them clearer.

Set Clear Standards for New Relationships

Decide what you will and won’t accept in relationships. Some non-negotiables might include:

• Mutual respect and kindness
• Support for your personal growth
• Honest, open communication
• Reliability and trustworthiness
• Shared core values

Having clear standards helps you recognize red flags early and makes it easier to distance yourself from toxic people before they can cause significant damage.

Practice Boundary Setting

Start small if boundary-setting feels challenging. Practice saying:

• “I’m not comfortable with that”
• “I need some time to think about it”
• “That doesn’t work for me”
• “I’ve decided not to discuss that topic”

Remember, you don’t need to justify your boundaries. They exist to protect your well-being, and that’s reason enough.

Invest Time in Positive Relationships

Make conscious efforts to nurture the healthy relationships in your life:

• Schedule regular check-ins with supportive friends
• Show appreciation for people who lift you up
• Be the kind of friend you want to have
• Participate in activities where you’re likely to meet like-minded people
• Connect with communities where your values and interests truly belong.

Trust Your Intuition

Your gut instincts are usually right about people. If something feels off in a relationship, pay attention to that feeling. Don’t dismiss your concerns because someone seems “nice” or because others like them.

Women are often taught to ignore their intuition to avoid seeming “difficult” or “judgmental.” But your inner wisdom exists to protect you. Trust it.

Create Distance from Toxic People

You don’t always have to completely cut toxic people out of your life, especially if they’re family members or colleagues. But you can:

• Limit the time you spend with them
• Avoid discussing personal topics with them
• Have interactions in group settings when possible
• Keep conversations surface-level
• Have an exit strategy for gatherings where they’ll be present

Seek Professional Support When Needed

Sometimes toxic relationship patterns run deep, and professional help can be invaluable. A therapist can help you:

• Understand why you’re drawn to unhealthy dynamics
• Develop stronger boundary-setting skills
• Process trauma from past toxic relationships
• Build confidence and self-esteem
• Learn healthy communication techniques

Building Your Support Network for Self Growth

Identify the Types of Support You Need

Different relationships serve different purposes in your life. Consider these categories:

Emotional Support: People who listen without judgment and offer comfort during difficult times.

Practical Support: Those who help with concrete tasks and challenges.

Informational Support: Mentors and advisors who share knowledge and guidance.

Social Support: Friends who share interests and provide companionship.

Professional Support: Colleagues and networking connections who support your career growth.

You don’t need one person to fill all these roles. A diverse support network is often stronger and more sustainable.

Nurture Mentor Relationships

Seek out women who are where you want to be in life. These mentorship relationships can provide:

• Career guidance and advice
• Perspective on challenges you’re facing
• Inspiration and motivation
• Networking opportunities
• Real-world wisdom from someone who’s walked a similar path

Remember that mentorship can be formal or informal, and it often works best when it’s mutually beneficial.

Connect with Like-Minded Communities

Look for groups and organizations that align with your values and goals:

• Professional associations in your field
• Women’s networking groups
• Book clubs or hobby groups
• Volunteer organizations
• Online communities focused on personal development

These connections often lead to meaningful relationships because they’re built on shared interests and values.

FAQ: Your Relationship Questions Answered

How do I know if my relationship is toxic?

A relationship is likely toxic if you consistently feel drained, anxious, or diminished after interactions. Other red flags include: the person regularly criticizes you, violates your boundaries, manipulates you with guilt or threats, shows jealousy about your success, or makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Trust your gut—if something feels wrong, it probably is.

What should I do if I realize I’m in a toxic relationship?

First, acknowledge that recognizing toxicity takes courage. Then, set clear boundaries about what behavior you will and won’t accept. Document patterns if the relationship involves ongoing manipulation. Consider limiting contact or ending the relationship if possible. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Can toxic people change?

While people can change, it requires genuine self-awareness, commitment to growth, and often professional help. Unfortunately, truly toxic individuals rarely take responsibility for their behavior or make lasting changes. Focus on what you can control—your responses and boundaries—rather than trying to change someone else.

How can I attract healthier relationships into my life?

Start by being the kind of person you want to attract—supportive, authentic, and emotionally healthy. Work on your own self-esteem and boundary-setting skills. Engage in activities that align with your values and interests, where you’re likely to meet like-minded people. Be selective about who you invest time and energy in, and trust your instincts about people.

What if the toxic person is a family member I can’t completely avoid?

You can’t choose your family, but you can control how you interact with them. Set clear boundaries about topics you will and won’t discuss. Keep visits short and structured. Don’t share personal information that could be used against you later. Consider the “grey rock” method—being polite but boring, giving minimal responses that don’t fuel drama. Remember, you can love someone from a distance while protecting your own well-being.

Your Journey to Empowered Relationships Starts Now

You have the power to choose who gets access to your energy, your time, and your heart. This isn’t about becoming cold or closed off—it’s about becoming intentional. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who see your light and want to help it shine brighter.

The relationships in your life should feel like a source of strength, not a constant drain. They should inspire you to be more of who you truly are, not less. When you’re around the right people, you feel more confident, more creative, more alive.

Remember, choosing healthy relationships isn’t always easy. It might mean having difficult conversations, setting boundaries that feel uncomfortable at first, or distancing yourself from people you care about. But your well-being isn’t negotiable. You deserve relationships that honor your worth and support your growth.

Take some time today to reflect on the relationships in your life. Notice how different people make you feel. Trust those feelings—they’re giving you important information. Then take action, even if it’s small. Maybe it’s having an honest conversation with a friend about something that’s been bothering you. Maybe it’s saying no to plans that drain you. Maybe it’s reaching out to reconnect with someone who always makes you laugh.

Your future self will thank you for the courage you show today in choosing relationships that lift you up. You are worthy of love, support, and respect. Don’t settle for anything less.

Ready to transform your relationships and step into your power? Join the MainHooNaari community where empowered women support each other’s growth every single day.

What relationships in your life truly lift you up? Share your empowering stories in the comments below and inspire other women in our MainHooNaari family to choose healthier, more supportive connections. Let’s build each other up, one relationship at a time!